The awful joke thread

Instead of clogging up posts with off topic discussions, have them here. Keep it clean folks!
Pete Bags
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The awful joke thread

Postby Pete Bags » Fri Sep 18, 2020 2:45 pm

Perhaps anything to help us keep smiling during these weird Covid times! I'll start....

So, I was walking along the street when I looked in our local garage. In the window was a Minor, with a sign saying “genuine Netherlands Minor”. Well I've had Minors for years, and I’ve never heard of a Minor from the Netherlands, or anything similar. So I went into the garage, and asked the salesman:
“How Dutch is that moggie in the window”.

Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Myrtles Man » Fri Sep 18, 2020 3:55 pm

Many years ago, when I was a young man, I took up Morris Dancing but had to pack it in because of the high cost of replacement body panels. (Don't blame me - he started it!)

Murrayminor
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Murrayminor » Fri Sep 18, 2020 4:22 pm

My four year old has been learning Spanish but still cannot say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
Proud owner of my first Morris Minor

myoldjalopy
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby myoldjalopy » Fri Sep 18, 2020 6:24 pm

Old Morris Minor wreck went into the crusher. The horn sounded one last note as it died - A flat minor! :lol:

Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Myrtles Man » Fri Sep 18, 2020 6:42 pm

Nice one Duke of Edinburgh!

Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Mick Lynch » Thu Sep 24, 2020 1:21 am

A man goes into the doctors with a strawberry growing out of his head
Doctor says "I've got some cream for that"

viewsonic1
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby viewsonic1 » Fri Sep 25, 2020 9:13 pm

Ever since I had this operation on my neck I've never looked back.....
Last edited by viewsonic1 on Sat Sep 26, 2020 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Mick Lynch » Sat Sep 26, 2020 11:25 am

Met a guy once that used to strip gearboxes, watches and cuckoo clocks and eat the springs and cogs.
Asked him why...
He said it tastes awful but good for the bowel movements: makes him go like clockwork

SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby SteveClem » Sun Sep 27, 2020 12:22 pm

‘Mummy, why do I keep walking around in circles?’
‘Be quiet, or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!’

Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Pete Bags » Tue Sep 29, 2020 5:40 pm

What time does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?




Tennish

simmitc
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby simmitc » Tue Sep 29, 2020 5:50 pm

"Mummy, Mummy, this egg isn't fresh"

"Be quiet and eat your breakfast"

"Alright, but can I leave the beak?"

Online
philthehill
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby philthehill » Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:08 pm

That is why I do not like eggs.


SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby SteveClem » Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:45 pm

‘Mummy, I hate Daddie’s guts’
‘ Well, leave them on the side of your plate, dear’.

Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Myrtles Man » Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:39 pm

'Can I lick the bowl out Mummy?'
'No, you must use the flush like everyone else.'

les
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby les » Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:08 pm

What is done by a man standing up, a woman sitting down and a dog holding one leg up ?
— ok I’ll tell you. —-shaking hands. ( pre virus)
Last edited by les on Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.


Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Mick Lynch » Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:53 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house.

+

Knock, knock...
Who’s there?
A chicken.

COMMANDER
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby COMMANDER » Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:36 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road softly/

'cos it couldn't walk 'ardly.

Matt
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Matt » Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:43 pm

Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

Ones really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
Serial Morris Minor Owner and Old Vehicle Nutter
www.facebook.com/transitionclassics

COMMANDER
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby COMMANDER » Wed Sep 30, 2020 4:03 pm

Nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth.

Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Myrtles Man » Wed Sep 30, 2020 6:29 pm

As opposed to the normal meat-eating budgie with a full set of teeth and fangs, presumably... :o


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