The awful joke thread

[Pete Bags]

Did you know that a candle flame smells like burnt nose hair?

[geoberni]

Robin: The car's not working.

Batman: Did you check the battery?

Robin: What's a Tery?

[Mick Lynch]

Two blondes driving a VW beetle. It breaks down...
First blonde gets out and checks under the bonnet.
She says - “no wonder it stopped, the engines fallen out”
Second blonde opens the trunk and says “that’s OK I’ve found a spare”



(Apologies to blondes. And women. And VW owners)

[pde2000]

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof?

A skip.

Why do Lada's have a heated rear windscreen?

To keep your hands warm.

(gotta love a lada, lorra lorra lada)

[KeithL]

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof and twin exhausts?

A wheelbarrow.

[Myrtles Man]

How do you double the value of a Lada? Put a gallon of petrol in it.

[philthehill]

The awful joke is that the two Ladas I owned (Samara & Niva) gave sterling service over several years

[SteveClem]

Apparently the artist, Van Gogh, cut an item from his head with a sharp knife and presented it to his lady love as a mark of affection.
She said ‘ What’s this ear?’

[geoberni]

Rumour has it that Dyson is going to develop an electric car by 2025......

I bet it’ll really suck...

[SteveClem]

My friend worked in a shoe recycling factory.
He said it was sole destroying.

[pde2000]

What do you call a zoo with no animals except one dog?

A shih tzu.

[Nickol]

Translated from the German

A man drives his Trabant into the garage and asks the attendant.

"Have you got a wing mirror for my Trabby"?

The man behind the counter has a think and replies

"Yes, sounds like a fair swop to me"

[geoberni]

Got to love a Trabi Joke....

What is on pages 4 & 5 of the Trabant Owners Manual....
The Bus Schedule....

[Pete Bags]

I went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball. I was served straight away.

[SteveClem]

I saw an advert for a tv....’£5, volume stuck on maximum’.
I thought that I can’t turn that down.

[firedrake1942]

They don’t sell lemonade in Boots any more. Apparently there were complaints that it leaked out of the lace-holes!

[COMMANDER]

I bought a stairlift. Its driving me up the wall.

[Pete Bags]

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?
So the difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

[Mick Lynch]

Two men in a bar. The talk gets round to families.
The first pulls out a photo of his wife and says, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
The other says, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife”
First says, “Why? Is she a stunner?”

The reply, “No, she’s an optician.”

[SteveClem]

It’s a little known fact that birds only use two types of twigs to make their nests.
Bent ones and straight ones.