The awful joke thread
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Re: The awful joke thread
I achieved my personal best in the 100 metres today....
73 metres.
73 metres.
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Re: The awful joke thread
I see that Arthur Hodgkinson won the 100 meters event at the recently-held British Gas Sports Day; he read them in two minutes thirty seven seconds, a new record.
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Re: The awful joke thread
Why do birds fly south for winter.Too far to walk.Can you remember a worse joke please to let me off the hook.
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Re: The awful joke thread
What des DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association
National Dyslexia Association
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Re: The awful joke thread
Read a book on ship building over the weekend.Riveting
Re: The awful joke thread
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
"I don't like sprouts"
What's green and smells of bananas?
monkey sick
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's yellow and bad for your teeth?
A brick
"I don't like sprouts"
What's green and smells of bananas?
monkey sick
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's yellow and bad for your teeth?
A brick
Re: The awful joke thread
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
What's brown under a piano stool?
Beethoven's last movement.
Dung.
What's brown under a piano stool?
Beethoven's last movement.
Re: The awful joke thread
What sort of dinosaur had only one eye?
A doyouthinkhesaurus.
A doyouthinkhesaurus.
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Re: The awful joke thread
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
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Re: The awful joke thread
Had to travel 30 miles to nans house last week.She wanted me to pick up a letter in the hallway.She said it's been there all week and I didn't know what to do.It says do not bend.
Re: The awful joke thread
Has anyone noticed how top racing drivers are named after Scottish cities?
Lewis Hamilton.
Stirling Moss.
Ayr Town Centre.
Lewis Hamilton.
Stirling Moss.
Ayr Town Centre.
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Re: The awful joke thread
Dad Would you like anything to eat. Son what are my choices . Dad Yes or No.
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Re: The awful joke thread
Patient Can I administer my own anesthetic. Doctor go on knock yourself out
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Re: The awful joke thread
Why did the dyslexic virus expert get the sack?
He didn't know his SARS from his Ebola
He didn't know his SARS from his Ebola
Re: The awful joke thread
Thats my good deed for Christmas done at Tesco tonight.
I was behind an old lady at check-out. Her bill came to £28 but she only had £20 and claimed she must have lost £10 in the shop.
I felt very sorry for her. She didn’t want help but I insisted and in no time at all, we had most of her shopping back on the shelves.
I was behind an old lady at check-out. Her bill came to £28 but she only had £20 and claimed she must have lost £10 in the shop.
I felt very sorry for her. She didn’t want help but I insisted and in no time at all, we had most of her shopping back on the shelves.
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Re: The awful joke thread
What’s 100 feet in the air that you can jump over?
A dead centipede...
A dead centipede...
Re: The awful joke thread
You know those times when you wish you had thought of something witty to say a moment ago but missed the moment? The opposite happened to me the other day. The perfect opportunity and timing.
I was recollecting a Tommy Cooper joke ( I think it was him) and a few hours later a friend of my wife’s popped around and provided the perfect opportunity to say the punchline to a real life scenario. Enough background and into the joke
“Oh I’ve just come from the hospital as my mum broke her arm in two places”
With a completely straight face,
“you should tell her to stay away from those places”
Callous but the look of confusion was priceless.
I was recollecting a Tommy Cooper joke ( I think it was him) and a few hours later a friend of my wife’s popped around and provided the perfect opportunity to say the punchline to a real life scenario. Enough background and into the joke
“Oh I’ve just come from the hospital as my mum broke her arm in two places”
With a completely straight face,
“you should tell her to stay away from those places”
Callous but the look of confusion was priceless.
Re: The awful joke thread
My wife wanted to go to Las Vegas in the new year to see The Temptations but Covid put has paid to that.
We're going to see The Four Tops in Primark instead.
We're going to see The Four Tops in Primark instead.
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Re: The awful joke thread
Why do you not want to get stuck behind Satan in the queue at the post office?
Because the devil takes many forms…
Because the devil takes many forms…