The awful joke thread

Instead of clogging up posts with off topic discussions, have them here. Keep it clean folks!
Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Pete Bags » Fri Oct 02, 2020 9:26 am

Did you know that a candle flame smells like burnt nose hair?

geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby geoberni » Fri Oct 02, 2020 9:45 am

Robin: The car's not working.

Batman: Did you check the battery?

Robin: What's a Tery?
Basil the 1955 series II

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Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Mick Lynch » Sun Oct 04, 2020 12:57 pm

Two blondes driving a VW beetle. It breaks down...
First blonde gets out and checks under the bonnet.
She says - “no wonder it stopped, the engines fallen out”
Second blonde opens the trunk and says “that’s OK I’ve found a spare”



(Apologies to blondes. And women. And VW owners)

pde2000
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby pde2000 » Sun Oct 04, 2020 3:28 pm

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof?

A skip.

Why do Lada's have a heated rear windscreen?

To keep your hands warm.

(gotta love a lada, lorra lorra lada)
Black 4door series2 deluxe 1954, mostly original, a bit tatty but reliable runner. purchased 1996

KeithL
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby KeithL » Sun Oct 04, 2020 3:38 pm

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof and twin exhausts?

A wheelbarrow.


Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Myrtles Man » Sun Oct 04, 2020 3:42 pm

How do you double the value of a Lada? Put a gallon of petrol in it.

philthehill
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby philthehill » Sun Oct 04, 2020 4:04 pm

The awful joke is that the two Ladas I owned (Samara & Niva) gave sterling service over several years 8)


SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby SteveClem » Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:24 pm

Apparently the artist, Van Gogh, cut an item from his head with a sharp knife and presented it to his lady love as a mark of affection.
She said ‘ What’s this ear?’

geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby geoberni » Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:40 pm

Rumour has it that Dyson is going to develop an electric car by 2025......

I bet it’ll really suck... :roll:
Basil the 1955 series II

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SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby SteveClem » Sat Oct 10, 2020 7:33 pm

My friend worked in a shoe recycling factory.
He said it was sole destroying.

pde2000
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby pde2000 » Sat Oct 10, 2020 11:00 pm

What do you call a zoo with no animals except one dog?

A shih tzu.
Black 4door series2 deluxe 1954, mostly original, a bit tatty but reliable runner. purchased 1996

Nickol
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Nickol » Sun Oct 11, 2020 12:29 pm

Translated from the German

A man drives his Trabant into the garage and asks the attendant.

"Have you got a wing mirror for my Trabby"?

The man behind the counter has a think and replies

"Yes, sounds like a fair swop to me"
Gott schütze mich vorm Sturm und Wind und Autos, die aus England sind.
download/file.php?id=4822[/sig]

geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby geoberni » Sun Oct 11, 2020 1:28 pm

Got to love a Trabi Joke....

What is on pages 4 & 5 of the Trabant Owners Manual....
The Bus Schedule....
Basil the 1955 series II

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Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Pete Bags » Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:34 am

I went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball. I was served straight away.

SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby SteveClem » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:06 pm

I saw an advert for a tv....’£5, volume stuck on maximum’.
I thought that I can’t turn that down.

firedrake1942
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby firedrake1942 » Sat Oct 17, 2020 12:08 pm

They don’t sell lemonade in Boots any more. Apparently there were complaints that it leaked out of the lace-holes!

COMMANDER
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby COMMANDER » Mon Oct 19, 2020 10:36 am

I bought a stairlift. Its driving me up the wall.

Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Postby Pete Bags » Fri Oct 23, 2020 10:18 am

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?
So the difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.


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