Lucas electricals

[polo2k]

I saw this and thought of the minors electrics! lol

Joseph Lucas "The Prince of Darkness":

* The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

* Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

* Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

* The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

* Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW

* The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

* "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

* Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

* Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

* Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

* Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

* Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

* Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

* Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

* The Prince's last words to his son: "don't go riding after dark"

[MColes]

[katy]

Did Lucas invent the "Dark Sucker'

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, more recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take, for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all of the dark that has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.

Candles present a special problem as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus, it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you will see a lot of light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach the depth of approximately 50 feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake, and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines. This generates electricity and helps push dark to the ocean, where it can be safely stored.

Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark. When they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers make all our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric light bulb, remember that it is, indeed, a dark sucker.

Source: Unknown

[bmcecosse]

I thought there was a Rule about not criticising suppliers ??

I have great respect for Lucas electrics - never had any serious problems with any of their equipment - that could be laid at their door because of poor quality. The various criticisms are quite unjustified - and are generally down to poor servicing - or frankly down to home bodging and lack of understanding of electrics by owners! I suspect there may be some 'Chinese' electrical stuff about these days that claims to be 'Lucas' . beware! If you bought a 'Rolex' watch for £50 - would you be surprised it didn't last very long ?????

[Blaketon]

I've had Lucas wiring all my driving life (Also had a few Bosch) and never found it a problem or unreliable. All the cars concerned have been relatively simple and so there's been less to go wrong. I must say I find the Lucas diagrams easier to follow than Bosch. I had a new Lucas coil a few years ago and it barely lasted a year; whether I had a duffer or whether they are getting the stuff made abroad (And quality has suffered) I don't know.

My father once had a new Ford and the electrics on that were dire (An auto electrician tells me they still aren't the best!!).

[polo2k]

I thought there was a Rule about not criticising suppliers ??

This was not my intention. I think we can all admit that the majority of users here have limited experience with auto electrics, if all those experiences were awquard faults then the user will assume that brand is naff, and as lucas is the OEM fitment on a minor then the awquard faults will be intrinsically linked to lucas.

On the other hand I (and many others on here) have plenty of experiance with auto electics and I can confidently say that the reason for the lucas comments is simply age I have no doubt that the Bosch items that grace the market these days will be critisized the same in 50 years.


Please treat all future posts as light hearted comments unless factual information is concerned or I state otherwise.

[bmcecosse]

If I make 'light hearted' comments about Wares - that soon gets jumped on!!!!!!!!!

[polo2k]

With all due respect that is not a decision that I am privvy to. If you would like to discuss this then I suggest contacting the admin. If they can not help then I do not know what to suggest. please dont spoil posts intended to put a smile on someones face with continued double standard comments.

Now come on ON WITH THE LAUGHTER,

Anyone got any more?

[bmcecosse]

Just seems like a completely unwarranted and unjustified attack on a perfectly good supplier of car electricals! They are certainly no worse than any other supplier of the period. But - I shall 'say no more' - since it seems to offend you so much!!

[MarkyB]

Italian electrics are the butt of the jokes on bike forums.
As in, styling by the Japanese, Italian electrics and Chinese engine for the worst possible combination.

I'm afraid the prince of darkness has rather stuck to Lucas, however undeserved.

[Alec]

Hello Marky,

in my limited experience of American websites, it seems a common theme and Lucas gets some stick there. Also it does seem that while there are knowledgeable people posting there, there are also (like all websites) people with very limited knowledge and the perception they get is not of a poorly maintained or repaired system but of inherently poor quality?

Alec

[8009STEVE]

People think that things run on electricity. they dont. They run on smoke.
Think about it. the tele. washing macine,car, they all work fine until the smoke comes out of it. Then it wont work, so logic says that they run on smoke.

[bmcecosse]

[RogerRust]

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

I like that a lot.
Like campaigning to re open Wheatstone bridge.

[RogerRust]

Or lining up to cross the galvanic barrier

[ferret76]

People think that things run on electricity. they dont. They run on smoke.
Think about it. the tele. washing macine,car, they all work fine until the smoke comes out of it. Then it wont work, so logic says that they run on smoke.

[frame][/frame]

Problem solved.

[katy]

Oh well, sometimes my train of thought jumps the track.