The awful joke thread

Instead of clogging up posts with off topic discussions, have them here. Keep it clean folks!
Forum rules
By using this site, you agree to our rules. Please see: Terms of Use
Post Reply
Pete Bags
Minor Fan
Posts: 119
Joined: Fri May 01, 2020 1:21 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

The awful joke thread

Post by Pete Bags »

Perhaps anything to help us keep smiling during these weird Covid times! I'll start....

So, I was walking along the street when I looked in our local garage. In the window was a Minor, with a sign saying “genuine Netherlands Minor”. Well I've had Minors for years, and I’ve never heard of a Minor from the Netherlands, or anything similar. So I went into the garage, and asked the salesman:
“How Dutch is that moggie in the window”.
Myrtles Man
Minor Legend
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed May 16, 2018 10:49 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Myrtles Man »

Many years ago, when I was a young man, I took up Morris Dancing but had to pack it in because of the high cost of replacement body panels. (Don't blame me - he started it!)
Murrayminor
Minor Addict
Posts: 564
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 9:47 am
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Murrayminor »

My four year old has been learning Spanish but still cannot say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
Proud owner of my first Morris Minor
myoldjalopy
Minor Legend
Posts: 2511
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2013 10:32 pm
Location: Kernow
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by myoldjalopy »

Old Morris Minor wreck went into the crusher. The horn sounded one last note as it died - A flat minor! :lol:
Myrtles Man
Minor Legend
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed May 16, 2018 10:49 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Myrtles Man »

Nice one Duke of Edinburgh!
Mick Lynch
Minor Fan
Posts: 218
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 9:20 pm
MMOC Member: No

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Mick Lynch »

A man goes into the doctors with a strawberry growing out of his head
Doctor says "I've got some cream for that"
viewsonic1
Minor Fan
Posts: 211
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 11:20 am
Location: Burton on Trent
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by viewsonic1 »

Ever since I had this operation on my neck I've never looked back.....
Last edited by viewsonic1 on Sat Sep 26, 2020 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mick Lynch
Minor Fan
Posts: 218
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 9:20 pm
MMOC Member: No

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Mick Lynch »

Met a guy once that used to strip gearboxes, watches and cuckoo clocks and eat the springs and cogs.
Asked him why...
He said it tastes awful but good for the bowel movements: makes him go like clockwork
SteveClem
Minor Legend
Posts: 1904
Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:37 am
Location: Near Belper
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

‘Mummy, why do I keep walking around in circles?’
‘Be quiet, or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!’
Pete Bags
Minor Fan
Posts: 119
Joined: Fri May 01, 2020 1:21 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Pete Bags »

What time does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?




Tennish
simmitc
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 4711
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2004 9:43 am
Location: Essex
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by simmitc »

"Mummy, Mummy, this egg isn't fresh"

"Be quiet and eat your breakfast"

"Alright, but can I leave the beak?"
philthehill
Minor Maniac
Posts: 10748
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2012 12:05 pm
Location: Hampshire
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by philthehill »

That is why I do not like eggs.

SteveClem
Minor Legend
Posts: 1904
Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 11:37 am
Location: Near Belper
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

‘Mummy, I hate Daddie’s guts’
‘ Well, leave them on the side of your plate, dear’.
Myrtles Man
Minor Legend
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed May 16, 2018 10:49 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Myrtles Man »

'Can I lick the bowl out Mummy?'
'No, you must use the flush like everyone else.'
les
Minor Maniac
Posts: 8726
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2002 12:00 am
Location: kent
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by les »

What is done by a man standing up, a woman sitting down and a dog holding one leg up ?
— ok I’ll tell you. —-shaking hands. ( pre virus)
Last edited by les on Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mick Lynch
Minor Fan
Posts: 218
Joined: Sat Sep 12, 2020 9:20 pm
MMOC Member: No

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Mick Lynch »

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house.

+

Knock, knock...
Who’s there?
A chicken.
COMMANDER
Minor Fan
Posts: 320
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:36 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by COMMANDER »

Why did the chicken cross the road softly/

'cos it couldn't walk 'ardly.
Matt
Minor Legend
Posts: 3824
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 1:30 pm
Location: Shropshire/Sussex/Cumbria
MMOC Member: No

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Matt »

Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

Ones really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
Serial Morris Minor Owner and Old Vehicle Nutter
www.facebook.com/transitionclassics
COMMANDER
Minor Fan
Posts: 320
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:36 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by COMMANDER »

Nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth.
Myrtles Man
Minor Legend
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed May 16, 2018 10:49 pm
MMOC Member: Yes

Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Myrtles Man »

As opposed to the normal meat-eating budgie with a full set of teeth and fangs, presumably... :o
Post Reply