The awful joke thread

Instead of clogging up posts with off topic discussions, have them here. Keep it clean folks!
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Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Pete Bags »

Did you know that a candle flame smells like burnt nose hair?
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geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by geoberni »

Robin: The car's not working.

Batman: Did you check the battery?

Robin: What's a Tery?
Basil the 1955 series II

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Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Mick Lynch »

Two blondes driving a VW beetle. It breaks down...
First blonde gets out and checks under the bonnet.
She says - “no wonder it stopped, the engines fallen out”
Second blonde opens the trunk and says “that’s OK I’ve found a spare”



(Apologies to blondes. And women. And VW owners)
pde2000
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by pde2000 »

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof?

A skip.

Why do Lada's have a heated rear windscreen?

To keep your hands warm.

(gotta love a lada, lorra lorra lada)
Black 4door series2 deluxe 1954, mostly original, a bit tatty but reliable runner. purchased 1996
KeithL
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by KeithL »

What do you call a Lada with a sunroof and twin exhausts?

A wheelbarrow.

Myrtles Man
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Myrtles Man »

How do you double the value of a Lada? Put a gallon of petrol in it.
philthehill
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by philthehill »

The awful joke is that the two Ladas I owned (Samara & Niva) gave sterling service over several years 8)

SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

Apparently the artist, Van Gogh, cut an item from his head with a sharp knife and presented it to his lady love as a mark of affection.
She said ‘ What’s this ear?’
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geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by geoberni »

Rumour has it that Dyson is going to develop an electric car by 2025......

I bet it’ll really suck... :roll:
Basil the 1955 series II

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SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

My friend worked in a shoe recycling factory.
He said it was sole destroying.
pde2000
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by pde2000 »

What do you call a zoo with no animals except one dog?

A shih tzu.
Black 4door series2 deluxe 1954, mostly original, a bit tatty but reliable runner. purchased 1996
Nickol
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Nickol »

Translated from the German

A man drives his Trabant into the garage and asks the attendant.

"Have you got a wing mirror for my Trabby"?

The man behind the counter has a think and replies

"Yes, sounds like a fair swop to me"
Gott schütze mich vorm Sturm und Wind und Autos, die aus England sind.
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geoberni
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by geoberni »

Got to love a Trabi Joke....

What is on pages 4 & 5 of the Trabant Owners Manual....
The Bus Schedule....
Basil the 1955 series II

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Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Pete Bags »

I went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball. I was served straight away.
SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

I saw an advert for a tv....’£5, volume stuck on maximum’.
I thought that I can’t turn that down.
firedrake1942
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by firedrake1942 »

They don’t sell lemonade in Boots any more. Apparently there were complaints that it leaked out of the lace-holes!
COMMANDER
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by COMMANDER »

I bought a stairlift. Its driving me up the wall.
Pete Bags
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Pete Bags »

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?
So the difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
Mick Lynch
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by Mick Lynch »

Two men in a bar. The talk gets round to families.
The first pulls out a photo of his wife and says, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
The other says, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife”
First says, “Why? Is she a stunner?”

The reply, “No, she’s an optician.”
SteveClem
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Re: The awful joke thread

Post by SteveClem »

It’s a little known fact that birds only use two types of twigs to make their nests.
Bent ones and straight ones.
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