Morris Minor Owners Club

Just been cleaning out the attic with the wife.
Filthy dirty and covered in cobwebs-but she's good with the kids........

Prince Charles was visiting Cornwall and took a tour of Geevor mine, near Pendeen. After being shown around by the mine captain, Charles asked him, "How many men work here then?" Came the reply, "Aw, 'bout 'alf ov 'em, I s'pose!

I've just started a company manufacturing over-sized sinks...
Does anyone on here mind if I give it a massive plug?

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure.

I used to be a werewolf, but I'm better nooooooooooooooooooooooow

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dunnnnng

You’ll never find hairs on an apple,
But you’ll always find hairs on an ape.
And it’s only the hairs on a gooseberry
That stops it from being a grape

Now this deep stuff:-

"Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana".

It needs thinking about doesn't it!

NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300 million mile voyage.
Amazing the one I drove in the 90s barely used to make it half mile down the road to Tesco's.

So sorry to hear about Megan Markle’s car crash next month.

Whats Irish and stays outside all year round?

Paddy O'Furniture

In the early days of the last century everyone owned a horse, it was the rich that had cars.
In the early days of this century everyone owns a car and it’s the rich that have horses!

How the stables have turned...

Well, that's mews to me.

?

Top three invisible things:
1)
2)
3)

Oh yes, I see.

Oh dear...

“I went for yodelling lessons last night. There was a sign outside the classroom. It read ‘Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue. ‘ “

Bit of a long one for you, great to try and tell it in the pub after you've had a few!

The tale of the three huts.

One day a man was shipwrecked and got washed up on the beach of a remote tropical island. Unfortunately for him it was inhabited by a fierce tribe of cannibals. These natives saw him being washed up on the beach and ran to him. They carried him to their home in a clearing and gave him water and a small meal. Once he was fed and watered, they took him to their chief whilst the rest of the tribe gathered round.
The chief then made a signal for quiet and stood up to speak.
He turned his eyes to the shipwrecked man and said.
“I can tell you are an Englishman. I know this because there have been many wrecks on our shores and I have learned many languages from the survivors. We are cannibals and will happily eat you as our treat. However we are a fair and sporting people so we will give you three tests”.
The natives then took him to another clearing where there were three mud huts.
The chief spoke again, pointing……….
“Each of these three huts is a challenge. Each one will test you. If you pass the test you will go to the next hut. If you fail any test we will eat your flesh…. If you pass all the tests in all the huts, you may go on your way with a boat, sails and enough water and food for many weeks”.
The chief went on, “the first hut contains many barrels and bottles of rum from all the ships wrecked on our shores….. if you drink all the rum, you can go to the next hut……”
The chief pointed to the second hut and said, “ the second hut contains a ferocious tiger with a bad tooth. If you can pull out the tooth without getting killed, you may go to the next hut….”
The chief pointed to the third hut and said, “the third hut contains a woman that no man has been able to satisfy sexually…many men of our tribe has tried but nobody has ever managed to satisfy this woman. If you can satisfy her, you may leave this island with our blessing”.
“Go now and let the challenge begin!”
With drums banging and the natives cheering the man on, he walked into the first hut…………..
He was in there for three weeks. The natives drummed and danced around fires on the beach, waiting for the man to emerge. All the time they could hear him singing or snoring loudly, and so they waited and waited….
FINALLY, the man emerged, ruddy faced and hardly able to stand up, he staggered from the hut. No one had passed the trial in this hut before and the natives went wild, dancing and cheering they led him to the second hut.
He staggered in and a great silence came over the natives as they waited for the inevitable. All of a sudden, there was a tremendous roar! The hut shook violently, branches fell off the roof and a cloud of dust blew out of the doorway. This terrible roaring went on for three hours, and the natives sat in wonder. Then finally all was quiet. A deathly silence came over the hut, all was still. The natives stood up to retrieve what was left of the man and started to walk towards the hut.
UNBELIEVABLY, as they approached-the man emerged! His shirt and trousers tattered and torn to shreds. His body covered in deep scratches and sweat. Well, the natives went wild! Never did they realise the man would come out alive, they cheered and danced all around.
The man took a few unsteady steps, still intoxicated from the first hut and bleeding from the task in the second hut, he held his hand up for quiet.
A hush fell over the natives and they waited for the man to speak.
The man held on to the side of the hut and with great effort, took a deep breath and spoke……..”Right you lot! Where’s this bloody woman with the bad tooth!….”

An Egyptian once offered me 10 camels for my wife.

I said “throw in a lighter and you've got a deal”

Before younger readers wonder why the above is a joke, "Camel" used to be a brand of cigarette - might still be for all I know, I've never touched the awful things.